We want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the messages, Facebook posts, candles light, cards etc. letting us know you were remembering our precious Charlotte on her third birthday. It was a very hard day for us but we managed to spread as much joy as we possibly could which took away a little of the sting of her not being present with us. For our first Joy we made birthday bags for the patients on the Unit Charlotte spent most of her time on so that the patients could have some fun stuff to play with and some joy brought into their room! When we asked Sophie what she wanted her Joy to be, she told us she wanted to share her favorite book to read to Charlotte with her friends. Everyday she would put on a mask and gloves "to not spread her germs" and "read" to Charlotte. Her favorite book to read was Dragons Love Tacos. So she was able to give the book to each one of her classmates.She loved it, and we loved that she helped come up with the idea! We visited Charlotte after school and sang her "Happy Birthday" through tears, something I would never have imagined I would be forced to do...stand at the grave of my child and sing to her, it hurt my heart in a way I didn't know it could hurt but she deserves it so we flustered through it.
When we arrived home from visiting Charlotte, Sophie had a huge surprise waiting for her that brought her more Joy than I could have ever imagined. Baka and Charlotte "visited" our house and left a fairy house for her, gold glitter everywhere, and a penny inside. If I could have bottled up her shrieks of excitement to hear for a lifetime I would have. She needed this more than I knew, and she was thrilled beyond words. We ended the day lighting a candle for her at the moment she was born.
The days that followed her birth were terrifying filled with terror, fear, and lots of unknowns. Three years ago at this moment I still hadn't seen her for more than a minute or two because she had been transferred to another hospital and I was stuck at the hospital we delivered at. We received lots of devastating news (that turned out to be not true), speculations, and predictions in those first weeks of her birth. I watched her stop breathing several times and have to be emergently intubated. I wasn't allowed to hold her until she was three days old. And the list goes on. But in the end she proved them wrong, she proved a lot of people wrong for two and half years. During those two and a half years, through all the medical stuff done to her, I prayed that she would somehow let me know when she was tired, somehow, someway. It is hard for me to see, I question, I feel guilt, I wish I could have done more, but in the end she did tell me, my head knows this, my heart does not. She told me through her soul, through our connected souls. I hate it, I don't want to believe it, I want it to be different, but she let me know her destiny was to be here for two and half years, it was her time. And so Charlotte, I want you to know that as hard is it is I hear you...this was how it was always supposed to be for you...two and half years to change the world, inspire others, and spread joy, a huge feat for someone so little, but I believe you did, and left us to continue your legacy. We always will baby girl, we always will.
Thank you again for all the love and support you shower us with.