When your heart became dust and my soul was shattered
December 29, 2016
It has been one month since I have felt your warm skin snuggled against mine, felt the breath of your life breeze across my face, and felt the gentle tickle of your hair across my face as I breathed in my Charlotte smell. I can see your beautiful long eyelashes, I can feel your hand clenched around mine. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you so much it physically hurts, my heart aches for you, my arms long for you, and I just miss you. You might find this funny up in Heaven, but I miss your cares too - even the ones I hated. I miss washing syringes, going to appointments every day, I miss coordinating your care, I miss the nurses, I even miss the every four hour vest and nebs....what I wouldn't give to hear that machine one more time and your gentle cooing as it jiggled you. I am trying so hard for you Charlotte, I am trying, I am trying to go on, to give Sophie Joy, we have even spread some Joy around the cities the past few weeks, but inside my heart is aching and my soul is shattered, it shattered when yours stopped beating, when breath was stolen from your lungs. When that happened you were freed baby girl, you are free, I try and imagine all the things you must be doing in Heaven, all the things I longed to see here on Earth. You are free of treatments, you are free of stupid seizures that stole you, you are free of doctors, poking and prodding, you are just a kid up there in Heaven. Just a healthy kid, and I know that, but I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. One month. A lifetime in my life, an eternity since I felt you, yet it feels like yesterday. I hope you can hear me screaming up to you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you and always will. I promise that Joy will be your legacy, and it won't stop being your legacy, until the day I join you I will make this world a better place with and Joy, my dear Charlotte, you will always be Joy. Always it was your purpose and your destiny, and through my pain I will ensure that your destiny is fulfilled.
In Charlotte's honor we ask that you all do something, any small little thing to spread some Joy in her honor. And then we ask that you share it with us either send us an email at seizeyourjoy.org or post it on the Seize Your Joy Facebook page, or tag #seizeyourjoy #joyforcharlotte on instagram. We want to collect all the Joys being spread around the world in her honor in a book. It is an honor and inspiring to us to see Joy spread and the world changed, because Charlotte is Joy.